I did not know her personally. She was a trainer at the gym where I work out
when I heard the news that leukemia had come. Occasionally there would be
photos posted and I recall an event or two to help the family. When I’d see pictures
of her, I would offer prayers for healing for this mom of three little
girls.
She’s gone now. I saw Facebook posts yesterday which led to
her blog where her gracious, loving, articulate husband was brave enough to
post her passing, right after she left us. I see now that many, many people (a
lot I know) were following her story as it unfolded. She wrote words of
encouragement and strength even as hers faded.
The fact that I am writing about her death doesn’t seem ‘fair’ since I
didn’t know her or follow her journey in life. But then again, she was a light
and like a star whose light continues on for what seems to be forever, I am
only now being touched by it… and thus will you be too.
We weep when a mom of little girls leaves them. No matter
how old we are, if we are parents, we feel that loss ourselves and it is
unspeakably difficult. Our tears do the speaking for us. So many people have
followed her journey, not only because they loved her, but also because it
represents our common human journey and an end that we must all eventually
face. I took the time to read a little of her blog. I see that she faced it
with honesty, hope and graciousness. Her bedrock was faith in Christ. This
Christ who conquered death… the death we will face. Likely you’ve heard that
before “Christ conquered death.” If you are familiar with the Christian faith, you
know what that means. If you are unfamiliar with Christianity, the phrase is
odd, but still matters because well, we all will die. And some, like this young
mom, earlier than she was ‘supposed to.’
Before I continue, I offer a speedy theological primer from
one who believes that God created the universe, sustains it now and is Good: God made everything and decided it was good.
When He created humans, we were given a ‘mind of our own’ (don’t we know it!!).
Using this mind we made choices that dissed God and therefore paid the
consequences, which is where death came in. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!
Right away this good, grieving God came up with a plan that both honored our
‘minds of our own’ and gave us a way to still be in relationship with him,
forever. That’s where Jesus comes in. He was in the story way back before
creation, but one quick blog post isn’t the place to wax on about all of this.
Eventually, Jesus showed up in human form, destined to die like any of us. He
did, but that wasn’t the end of the story. He actually was bodily resurrected
and then headed up to heaven in what’s called “the Ascension”… and even now, He
is sitting with God the Father and able to hang out with us and love us and
comfort us too in the form of the Holy Spirit. So, as I was saying, “Christ
conquered death.”
This is where theology intersects with life, is it not? When an athletic, beautiful wife and mother must
painfully endure her life being taken away. Reading bits of her story I saw
that while the journey was hers, she was not alone, AT ALL. Within sixteen hours of her death, 170+
people have responded with words of sorrow and comfort after her husband told
of her passing. That doesn’t include the countless prayers and personal sorrow
felt by the likes of strangers like me. She was definitely a light in the midst
of darkness. People have noted what a
hands-on daddy the girls have. I have no doubt that family and women in the
community will continue to act as surrogate moms… painting finger nails and
making dolls dresses which will eventually morph into shopping for prom
formals. The Body of Christ (what Christians are called since the only ‘hands’
of Jesus here now are those of his followers) will be there, making meals,
cleaning carpets, picking up the girls from school and soccer practice, taking
them to birthday parties, folding laundry, helping with homework, coming around
Dad and his daughters as they grieve.
Was God was able to swoop down and work a miracle of healing
in her? Sure. He still does healing miracles all the time, but these are mostly
seen in the non-western world where people are more open to His big acts. We in
the west are fond of rationally trying to box in the God of the Universe
instead of being open to the Mystery that He is. Her healing didn’t come on
earth, though in heaven she is able to dance again. In the Bible, Hebrews 11:1
says: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of
what we do not see.” This is followed by a huge list of humans who lived by faith
and what that meant…
Allie
lived by faith. She longed for healing so she could continue being a mom and
wife and friend and athlete and… But when healing here and now didn’t come, she
also died by faith. I hope that no one tells her girls nasty little phrases
meant to ‘comfort’ like: “Jesus needed your mommy in heaven…” which is a crock.
Jesus doesn’t need us in heaven. Her
girls need her here and at their sorrowful cores, they know that full well. The
miracle will be that Jesus is with them in their grief, tears, anger and
questions. The miracle is that his closeness and unsearchable love for us all
is near. He will be with them. He will also come in the form of others who give
to this family what they need and more… That is the miracle in a loss so big
that even strangers grieve.
